I think something needs to be said about the way things happen sometimes. The more you hunger for something…and desire it with every essence of your being…the more it slips away from you, farther and farther out of your reach. My feelings of incompetence stems from all of the beautiful people around me. In a sense, I thought that if I was like them, I would be desirable again. All of the repetition of, “be yourself” was cremated and tossed into the cemetery of my mind. Why would I want to be myself if that isn’t who you want?
When I finally let go of the fact that I was no longer yours, I accepted it; painfully. But even so, I still tried to extract bits and pieces of other people’s personalities and tried to make it my own. Deep down, I still wanted you to love me again. And since you left, I thought that perhaps the girl you once found desirable was simply the opinion of the seventeen-year-old boy when he met her four years ago.
We are no longer that dumb and naive, though we are still young. Young enough to continue exploring. Young enough to change drastically in years to come.
I have come to find that…
In the process of shaping who you are, you let go of things you have no control over. And when you let go of those things you tried desperately to force, better things — magical things — fall together so effortlessly that you wonder why it hadn’t been that easy before.
Whatever is meant to be will be.